discombobulated

I've never felt so alone. I know that there are people who I can count on, I know that there are people who I can easily talk to about my daily routine and I know that there are people who I can be comfortable with. But not knowing where I stand amongst the sea of people makes me scared. I don't think if I'm guarded. If I do, I wouldn't have written this post. I guess, for once, I feel utterly lost..?

yada yada, how the things that we learn in class apply to our everyday life, yada yada how cliche. Sadly but true : Identity & Belonging. I was left thinking about my entire future(funny how I'm only 17) & my sole purpose in life. Have I accomplished anything? Have I left a mark on the world? What's the point of going to school and brainstorm ideas and absorbing knowledge and information from my teachers' mouths when the world is going to end? Don't we have better things to do?

When am I allowed to be entirely free? When can I be entitled to my own decisions and opinions? When can I untie the knot that binds me to those words that you say? When can I truly enjoy my so-called freedom?
I'm starting to doubt my 'optimism' towards the whole system. It seems as though being 'optimistic' is such a norm for me that I expect myself to be optimistic and happy. It's wrong(?) to have a different outlook now that I'm always one-faced. I snap out of it and succumb to society's perception of me.

an endless loop indeed.