I need to rage. Where else could I release my pent-up emotions other than on this online journal of mine. It's been a while I know, but this rage and hatred that I'm feeling are so damn overwhelming. I can't believe I actually cried because of this. When I look back at this, it's going to be a stupid and silly setback in life, but at the moment, this pile of shit is flippin' high up, I don't know how to get down from the top.

So today is my interview, yes, 21/11/2011 at 1140am was supposed to be my interview. A week ago, I checked that it's on Tuesday instead at 1020am. I went to school today to double-check it, and hey, tadaa, the date & time, 21/11/2011 at 1140am was smacked in my face. I was freaking out because my interviewers are Mrs. Tan (International coordinator, who scares the beejezus out of me) and Mr. Penso. Off I went to the senior centre only to get yelled at by Mrs Tan, "Jamie, Did you know that you are late for your interview? I am really really angry because you are such an irresponsible girl who doesn't have her priorities right. Come back at the end of the day at about 3 30pm-4pm for your interview then."


By then, I was speechless. She wouldn't listen to my explanation and that was no surprise at all.

So I went to the city to kill time & finally bought my formal dress which made me excited and happy for a while until I came back home at 3 30pm. I lost my keys 2 weeks ago and have been surviving without one since aunty or someone will always be home by the time I'm outside of the house. Rang aunty up and she told me that she'll be back in 5 minutes' time. That was the longest 5 minutes of the year. She came back at 3 50pm & I had to run to school by 4pm.

Got to school, got yelled at again, got stared down again. Brilliant. So when it was my interview, I had Mrs. Tan, Mr. Penso and Mr. Imam. Oh I loved life then, like I absolutely adored it. Mrs. Tan talked about, scratch that, more like nagged about how bad I am at Physics and GMA, that my interview was the worst one among the rest, how that I'm in the bottom 15-20% for those who wants to do Specialist Maths next year, that I don't set my priorities straight, that I'm hanging out with the wrong crowd, that I'm not putting effort in anything I do at all, that my head is not programmed at the right track.. ALLL the things that you can think of, she said it.

I wanted to cry then but I'm not going to let that woman see how badly her words have affected me.
You know what, next year, no bloody distractions except for my shows because I can't live without them. I'm not going to have a social life except for going to the gym because I really want to prove that woman wrong. I'll just have to shove my slip in her face to please her, to make her happy, to let her know that I'm not a pushover.
Yeah and I know all these are words and I'm probably going to be like "oh I can't be bothered blablabla *procrastinates*" , but I'm going to try harder, not like I didn't try this year.

OK, I'm feeling better now. I think.

Formal's on Thursday. Fun, I absolutely can't wait.